The Love Potion
by Silver Mage Gurl
Summary: A love potion plus our fav T.P. chars creates a big mix-up! I didn't know what to rate it it's more of a G lol!


VALENTINE'S DAY in TORTALL.  
Suprisingly it's a huge ball and who's there: Alanna, George, Numair, Daine, Jonathan, Thayet, Kel, Myles, Cleon, Neal, Kaddar, Varice, Lord Wyldon,  
and our two surprise guests are: OZORNE AND ROGER! (Who's back from the dead and looking good as ever!)  
Scene: All of them sitting around a round table, waiting for the food to arrive. In couples, George and Alanna, Jon and Thayet, etc. Kel sits between Cleon and Neal, looking rather annoyed.  
  
George: Boy is it dull around here.  
  
*Alanna nods and begins to sharpen her dagger*  
  
Thayet: I KNOW!! Let's try this LOVE POTION now! *pulls out a large heart-shaped jar*  
  
*Everyone looks at eachother*  
  
Kaddar: I'm all for love potions! *Glances at Daine who glares*  
  
Daine: As long as we look at the right people..you know, the one's we like already.  
  
*They all take a drink and Thayet reads the instructions*  
  
"SMALL QUANTITY ONLY. DANGEROUS IF YOU LOOK AT THE WRONG PERSON. NO GUARANTEE ON SIDE EFFECTS"  
  
Thayet: *glances at them* Oh well. WHat do we, like, have to lose? *bubbly giggle*  
  
*silence for a few moments. Kaddar starts to look guilty*  
  
Alanna: Kaddar, what is your stupid problem?  
  
Kaddar: Er...well....I'M SORRY! It was my fault...  
  
*Alanna grabs Kaddar by the collar*  
  
Alanna: WHAT??  
  
Kaddar: I added another potion to the mix because I wanted you ..um...  
  
Alanna: TELL ME!  
  
Kaddar: I wanted Daine to fall madly in love with me! I think that's what it was for..  
  
*Daine turns red* *Numair scowls*  
  
Numair: JERK!  
  
Alanna: Ugh...you made this potion yourself?  
  
Kaddar: Um..well..no, I got a skilled person to add his evil touch..  
  
Daine: *looks at Numair*You WANT him to like me?? YOU TWO TIMING-  
  
Numair: It wasn't me!! Honest!!  
  
Alanna: WHO??  
  
Kaddar: Um....him....  
  
*points to a cloaked figure in the corner. The figure leaps onto the table and rips off it's cloak to reveal an odd sixties-looking jumpsuit of lime green, with pink flowers, bell bottoms, and lace at the collar. None other than Duke Roger.*  
  
Duke Roger: YEAH BABY, YEAH!  
  
Alanna: AUUUGH!! I thought I killed you!!  
  
Roger: Well, technically you did, but I'm back, and more shagadelic than ever!  
  
Numair: Shagadelic? Is that like, a Carthaki word?  
  
Kaddar: Yeah, I think it means an idiot. *sarcastic*  
  
Roger: SILENCE, FOOL!  
  
*All of a sudden the potion starts taking effect on Varice, who was previously reading a fashion mag*  
  
Varice: Oh my gosh! That COLOR! Roger, you never told me how fashionable you were! *drool*  
  
Roger: Oh, behave! But yes, I AM, aren't I? *colgate smile* You look lovely, my dear Varice.  
  
*The potion starts working on Lord Wyldon who had been scowling in silence*  
  
Lord Wyldon: MITHROS, Kel, I never realized how beautiful you are! Oh my gosh, you deserve to be knighted!!!  
  
Kel: Um, I AM knighted.  
  
Lord Wyldon: By ME, I MEAN! Don't you realize what an honor this is?? *pulls out a sword and chases Kel around the room*  
  
*All of a sudden, Ozorne appears out of nowhere, dressed in an orange Buddhist monk's robe and holding insence*  
  
Ozorne: I come in peace, my dear friends.  
  
*Kaddar screams* UNCLE?!  
  
Ozorne: I've come to right the wrongs of my life. I HAVE ACHIEVED INNER PEACE!! *joyful shriek*  
  
*All of a sudden Cleon turns into a block of swiss cheese with a mouth* EEEEK!!!  
  
Neal stares. Mithros! *the potion works on him and he dashes over to Cleon the Cheese* It's BEAUTIFUL! *hugs the cheese*  
  
Cheese: GODDESS!!  
  
*meanwhile...*  
  
Varice: Oh my gosh...KADDAR.. your eyes are like deep endless pools of....of....umm...amber stuff...  
  
Kaddar: Say that again?  
  
*Varice starts chasing him around the room* SAY YOU'LL BE MINE!!  
  
*Meanwhile Ozorne had stopped chanting in Yamani and glances at Alanna*  
  
Ozorne: Lioness? We meet again? And you're looking as beautifully masculine as ever..  
  
Alanna: WHY YOU CRUMMY SCANRAN!  
  
Ozorne: It's Carthaki, darling.  
  
Alanna: BACK OFF before I use my Gift on you!  
  
Ozorne: MUHA! And what a Gift it is toooooo!! *goes all starry eyed* You're so much lovelier than DAINE.  
  
Daine: HEY!  
  
Ozorne snickers. "And did I mention that these sandals are made of LEATHER and my robe lined with BUNNY FUR??  
  
*Daine bristles*  
  
Ozorne: Never mind that. Will you marry me, Lioness?  
  
Alanna: *slaps him* I'm married to George!  
  
Ozorne: *looks blank* Uh...well then we'll just have to kill him. Course I DO believe in peace and love...I will conjure up a vicous beast to destroy him anyway! MUHAHAHAHA!!! *does a spell* *Owen appears*  
  
Owen: Mithros, where the jolly am I?  
  
Ozorne: NOOO!! STUPID SPELL!  
  
Owen: Mmm...what's this jolly stuff? *drinks the last of the love potion* JOLLY GOOD!  
  
*He spots the Cleon-cheese* Oh my sweet jolly... *falls madly in love and gets Neal jealous*  
  
Neal: It's MY CHEESE!!!  
  
Owen: Jolly well isn't!...Why does it have a mouth??  
  
Cleon: It's ME! Cleon! Snap out of it!!!!!  
  
*Owen and Neal's memories zap*.....CLEON? *they say in unison*  
  
Neal: *dreamy eyed* Must be some lovely Yamani girl...  
  
Owen: No way! It's some Tortallan maiden... jolly odd name for a girl though..  
  
*Cleon shrieks* HELP ME ALANNA!!  
  
*Alanna, who had been slapping the dazed-looking Ozorne, turns around*  
  
Alanna: What is it?  
  
Cleon: THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH ME!!  
  
*Alanna points a finger at Cleon and he turns back into his normal red-headed self*  
  
*Neal and Owen scream like girls* EEEAAAAA!! She's a GUY!  
  
Cleon: Mithros, are you two out of your minds!?!  
  
*Meanwhile Ozorne was trying to do a spell again and conjured up the Graveyard Hag,  
  
who is wearing a bubblegum pink feather boa and a white tank top and pants*  
  
Graveyard Hag: I'm not a girl..not yet a womannn....  
  
Ozorne: HUH??  
  
Graveyard Hag: It's ME! Britney Spears! *she says in a raspy voice*  
  
Jonathan: Who the heck is Britney Spears?  
  
Lord Wyldon: *snaps out of chasing Kel* *is lovestruck* Fair maiden, pearl of my heart...  
  
Cleon: HEY! That's MY LINE!!  
  
Graveyard Hag: Well you're kinda old... and Mithros, are you BALD! WOW! It's like an EGG!  
  
Lord Wyldon: Even your insults will not bother me, oh lovely wrinkled one.  
  
Graveyard Hag: *glances at Roger* HUBBA HUBBA! Haven't I seen you before?  
  
Alanna: Probably, I DID kill him. *sarcastic*  
  
Graveyard Hag: Roger deeeeaaaarrrr....let me kill you so we can be together in the afterlife!!!  
  
Roger: AUUUGH! AUUGHH!!  
  
Graveyard Hag: The KISS OF DEATH WILL BE MIIIIINE!  
  
*chases Roger around the room*  
  
*The potion finally starts working at once, on Alanna and on Kel*  
  
Kel: Ohhhhhhhhh Kaddar....  
  
Kaddar: Eh?  
  
Alanna: Ohhhhhhhh Ozorne....  
  
Ozorne: Huh? Ah, so you've finally realizes your true feelings?  
  
Alanna: Yes!!  
  
*All of a sudden George turns into a toddler* MAMA? *glances at Myles* MAMA! *Myles makes a face*  
  
*Alanna and Ozorne dissapear* *Baby George drools all over Myles*  
  
Myles: Dang, your nose is the only thing that isn't smaller..  
  
*Meanwhile the spell works on Numair who happened to be glancing at a teddy bear*  
  
Numair: Oh teddy bear, teddy bear!! Wherefor art thou-  
  
*Daine hits him over the head with a glaive* NUMAIR! Why isn't the spell working on-  
  
*turns around and sees Kaddar*  
  
Daine: I LOVE YOU KADDAR!  
  
Kaddar: *blinks*....YOU DO?....will ya marry me?  
  
Daine: Sure!  
  
*The spell breaks on Numair and he hears Daine's words* DAINE, we are SO over!!!  
  
*the spell breaks on the Graveyard Hag who was just about to kiss Roger* EWW! Why am I dressed like a bimbo?  
  
*the spell breaks on Kel* HUH? I don't love Kaddar, I love that stupid guy with the red hair!  
  
*the spell breaks on George* Why am I drooling all over Myles? GROSS ME OUT!  
  
*the spell breaks on Roger* Eww! Who's this weird blond lady? VARICE? I thought you liked Kaddar!  
  
*the spell breaks on Kaddar* Huh? Well actually.. I DO like Daine..  
  
*the spell breaks on Varice* Huh? Kaddar and ME? Well, you are cute, but I like Numair better...  
  
*the spell breaks on Ozorne and Alanna and they reappear* *she slaps him* MITHROS, GET AWAY FROM ME!  
  
*the spell breaks on Lord Wyldon* EWW! Who is this decrepid old lady?? *Graveyard Hag scowls* Who you calling old, BALDY?  
  
*everyone turns back to normal* *Ozorne looks at his orange monk robe, he is now a Stormwing again*  
  
Ozorne: CALIFORNIA DREAMING....whoa whoa whoa...PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON..." *off tune*  
  
C'mon, my man, let's all hold hands..PEACE AND LOVE...FLOWAH POWAH.."  
  
*spell breaks* EEEK!!! What IS THIS?! What's with the weird clothes and the hemp necklaces and the power beads??  
  
I've been robbed of my Carthaki finery!! DIE, ALL OF YOU! May you be shredded by evil Stormwings!!! *dissapears*  
  
*Roger glances at his clothes* AUUUUUUAGGAHH!!! This color SO clashes with my eyes! And my HAIR! Mithros,  
what's the matter with me?! I need a vacation....*sobs and dissapears*  
  
So everything went back to normal, and after that, no one drank another love potion in Tortall. ^_^ 


End file.
